A while back my husband told me repeatedly that doing mindfulness body scanning, for him, was good and he could feel the benefits of it. Urging me to try it from time to time, I figured there is no harm in trying it with him, why not, I had no idea of the horror I was about to embark upon.
It was a 10 minute program that felt like at least 5 hours to me. We are in the bed, on our backs and ready for the speaker to begin. It started well, relax feel your body and this and that, then breath all the way down to your toes, feel the breath all the way and then it all went horrible wrong, I felt my toes, Cold and not just cold they felt like ice-cubes.
I desperately tried to ignore it, and tried not to feel the cold emanating from them, as they taunted me with the ice-cube picture that now was imprinted in my head but this was nothing compared to what was about to come!
As the speaker continues, I feel an itch around my ankle, not that bad, I ignore it, keep breathing and then there is another itch, this time on my shin, ignoring it as well and breath, hard! This is all it the first minute of the program! Breathing, breathing into each part of the body and feel it, turns out I feel many places that itch and my toes are now turning into icebergs.
I do not want to disturb my husband as I know this works for him. I try desperately to relax but as the speaker moves the breathing and ‘feeling’ to new places on the body I become stiff, feeling more places that itch and want so much to attack, with my long nails, to get the satisfaction that comes with it but NO, I try to ignore it so my husband can finish his body scanning thing.
I am hoping the horror would be over soon, no, that was not the case. The speaker now guides the breathing and ‘feeling’ to the face, at this point, there are tears streaming from my eyes to my ears, and we all know that it can tickle to the border of itching which makes us want to scratch it, plus now I was feeling itchy near my nose. My body is tense, I am having a hard time breathing and keeping my hands still. I thought that the face was the final spot, now the end was in sight, NO it was NOT!
The speaker goes on, “now find the spot that is bothering you the most and breath and feel”, I am screaming in my head, at this point. I can not take this any more, this is torture, but I hold on using all of my stubbornness to keep still and I have a lot of it but at this point in time I feel it running out.
As the last few minutes stretch out I just want to tell my husband that I did not need this S*** as I am very relaxed all the time and I know how to relax without help from some crazy person that wants me to feel this and that, but I don’t…
When the speaker finally is guiding the way out of the breath and feeling state, the last step is using three rings of a bell to exit the meditation. When the first bell rings, my hand springs into action, before I could even stop it, it was at my neck scratching away, the other hand joined in and gave my face the much needed relief, then my nails could attacking the rest of the spots that had been torturing me the entire time. I felt hysterical, I cried and had a hard time breathing, done with that, I finally could relax.
If I need to relax I will do it the way I know works for me..
I will go shooting with an bow and arrow… that is relaxing!!!
Or… Take a book, find a good spot to read and relax!